Fourteenth

I find I'm attracted to a certain type of person. A specific way of communication.
I find my love life is in a sort of loop. Where I just find myself in the same situations, over and over.
I've grown, they've changed.
But I find there's nothing essentially different about any of it.
I find I'm attracted to the same person.
Over.
and over
and over
and over.
I should really start learning from my mistakes.

Thirteenth

One of these days.
One of these days.
Someone will find my online games high scores irresistible.
I hope.

Twelfth

It's not that I'm a dramatic person
or that I dramatize situations.
I just take things more seriously than people think I do.
Things just affect me more seriously than people think they do.
I just have priorities that the world keeps attacking.

Eleventh

I can't stand thinking about it sometimes.
It's cold.
It's so cold.

All the time.

Tenth

I'm the kind of person who supports Harry and Hermione. Because that relationship? Is based on trust and respect.

Sue me. I think relationships should be based on trust and respect.

Ninth

I find my happiness level depends not on
what I want but don't have
or
what I have but don't want
or even
what I need but don't have.

But rather what and how much of myself I have to offer others.
I haven't much.
I think it shows.

Eighth

I like hiding behind headphones.
They're protective and warm and they surround me with music.
They make me feel badass.
I don't feel badass.
But headphones make me feel badass.

Seventh

I. need. music.
I'm the kind of person who has thoughts. Okay?
Not the thoughts that go on and on about your family, and your friends, and your schoolwork, and your hair, and your personality, and your projects, and your hopes, and your future, and global warming.
I have all those.
And I have other thoughts, too. Thoughts that spin completely out of control. Thoughts that, in the right lighting, in the right moments, with the wrong people, can literally drive me insane. And I know these people. These people who are absolutely everywhere. And I can't leave this city, and I can't leave these schools, and everybody knows me, and I can't not be this person they need me to be, sometimes.
I need music. I need it to stop it. Need it to stop it all. Just for a second.
Just for a moment's peace.

I'd drive myself insane
and end up jumping into a river
if I lost my hearing ability.

Sixth

Sometimes I don't really know what else to type but angst. I really don't consider myself an angsty person. Just unhappy and frustrated. Very frustrated.
But generally very caring.
I guess I just haven't had many spare moments to show it.
Mostly I guess I feel exhausted by it all. Exhausted by the optimism. I don't know why.
It exhausts me. Loving exhausts me. It feels so much more draining than hating.
In a strange way.
I'm unhappy being unhappy. I'm happy when I'm happy.
But blogging is different. I'm unhappy when it's a bad post. I'm happy when it's good.
And there's something so truthful about unhappiness that makes a post good.
I'm addicted to truth.
Pessimistic Optimistic Happy Sad
I'm addicted to truth.

Fifth

I'm the kind of person who wants the do-gooder to die first in a movie. They're so positive, I don't believe in them. It takes away from the realism of the film as a whole, really.

Fourth

I'm not the kind of person to sit at the front of the bus.
I tend to be that student who drags her feet to the end of it, slouching against an empty schoolbag, singing Blackbird and drawing pictures of broken hearts and swiggly smiles on the condensated window.