One Hundred and Twenty One

Although

I'll admit I found a very sick pleasure
in thinking;

You've only heard good about me.
But from what I know about you,
you should feel half as tall as you actually are.

One Hundred and Twenty

Do you still have my keychain?
I hope you do.

I hope you keep it forever.

One Hundred and Nineteen

I still can't believe you slept together.

I think I freaked out because you told me.
(or the way you did)

If it truly meant something,
you wouldn't have.

One Hundred and Eighteen

I wrote down, in my agenda, the day you get back to Montreal.
You were the first one.
In fact,
I added everyone else's arrival dates
so I'd stop staring at yours.

One Hundred and Seventeen

I have a theory
that perhaps all art

was really just a bunch of kids
doing whatever they could literally do
to move out.

One Hundred and Sixteen

I thought about you last night.
I haven't thought about you in a very long time.

I'm very sorry for the way I treated you.
I was growing into myself, spreading my wings.
I gave little thought to how people around me felt about it all.
I gave little thought to anybody, really.

I hope I've changed. I hope we meet again one day.
You wouldn't like me more, now.
I think the time for us has past anyway.
But that was my fault.

One Hundred and Fifteen

Yknow as terribly as this is going to sound

sometimes
not all the time
but sometimes

I wish I was my own friend.
I wish I could have me as a friend.

I would know how to calm me down.
I'd know what to say.

One Hundred and Fourteen

Dear Stranger,

You weren't on the 128 bus last night.
I checked.
I always do.
I'm always looking for you.
Why, I don't know. We've never exchanged words, or smiles, pleasantries. But I noticed you weren't there, and I felt so much more
lost.
I haven't seen you in a while, either.
I've been busy with summer courses, so many hours have been erratic. Like that week in February, remember? We'd see one another at eight in the morning, or ride the midnight bus together.
I hope things are going well. I miss you, in some detached, grasping way. I hope that's okay. And I hope I see you again soon.

Regards
Me

One Hundred and Thirteen

letting go of Harry Potter
it feels like a handful of straw. And I can't pick and choose.
I can't let him go
without letting the rest.
It's all interlinked, see.
Everything goes with him.
It's all the same.
Everything looks the same.
Feels the same.
Like the red and blue wire are both encased in green.

Green means go go go
Let go Go faster Faster Grow up

No.
I will never be ready to do this.
I will never want to.

One Hundred and Twelve

I wonder how many people dream about me.

One Hundred and Eleven

My dear friends.

I want life to never take you.
I want you to keep your insight, to keep your naive notions of what trust is, of what friendship is. Loyalty and honour. I want you to never lose sight of morality, I want you to never give in, to never settle. I want to shield you from the world and all bad expereinces, and preserve your goodness and young heart.
You are so kind. You are so young.
And I'm sorry, I know this is coming off as condescending, as high and mighty, as obnoxiously more learned and educated and experienced, and there's no right for me to say it at all. But I just want to put it there. I don't ever want life to hurt you. You are still so trusting, still so open. And when you learn of life's unfairness, of the stain on the other side of the couch cushion, when you realize that everything you once believed in is nothing but a cloud in a dark blue sky, your world will shatter. And I don't want it to.
I love you, just as you are.
And I want you to never learn of this world we've built. Of these disappointments we have in store for you.