208 - Letters

Do you think
it's possible

I could have loved you in other lives, too?

207 - Tiny Vessels

The flowers in your hallway are fake.

I could barely believe it as I touched a dry petal. Have they been fake all alone or have I only noticed it now? I always thought they were real.
The comparison here is not lost on me. don't worry.

A distinct thought in my mind:
'I know exactly what the other side of this door smells like.'
It did. smell the same. your room.
just as I remembered, actually.
didn't think I would've, but I did.

We really did care for one another
in our own twisted unhealthy ways.
maybe even love.
I learnt what I learnt.
and I'm glad you did too.

maybe that's all we are to one another. lessons.
that's okay too, you know?
that's worthwhile in a different way
you know?

206 - Fighting Sunsets

I remember
a jealous, frustrated mindset
flickers of moments that may never have happened
hands
lips
skin
gasps.

I remember shaking my head and trying not to think
trying not to imagine you with anyone else
trying not to think of other kisses
of loving caresses and longing gazes.

then
I remember your hands on my cheeks
refocusing my eyes on yours
steadying me back to reality.

I remember your pause.
A pursing of your lips.
Serious eyes.
You: "My lips and my body and my heart and my mind
have never been anyone else's."

I remember my heart thudding against chains
warm, foam water sloshing about inside.

You repeated; "Never."

And I died a little bit inside.

I remember holding you
being held
both.
I remember your whisper: "Don't leave me.
When the rest of the world wants you,
come back to me."

I remember loving you more than I thought possible.

then
a soft groan from you:
"I love you. It consumes me."

I remember feeling home.

205 - Good Morning

You make life better than dreams.

204 - Fantasies

She asked so leisurely and I'd heard her grin through the phone.
It was as though yes I was leaving but
some things-some things stay the same
yes the world is full of surprises and we are young
but some things
are certain.

I can't do that, friend.
Please don't ask me to.
I can't quite afford to think like you.
Please don't ask me that.
I can't answer that.

Not yet.

203 - Comparisons

What an immense amount of security marriage must be.
or
foolish assumptions of loyalty
and mutual values.

202 - Missing Chances

I honestly thought the email I'd written to you was the most painful letter I would ever have to write, ever. And until today, that was true.

I suppose
I knew I wouldn't regret that letter.
I knew it'd change things, but I knew I wouldn't regret it.
I'd take the consequences, horrible as they might have been
horrible as they were.

But this. Sending this rejection email.
this isn't what I want.
But
that's the difference, isn't it.
business.

That's all this is.

It shouldn't hurt this much. Yes it should.
I wonder if I'll regret this.