It is a mixture of both exhaustion and horror that floods into me when I realize that yes, the closest to falling in love I've probably ever felt is for a fictional character.
I don't really know what to do with myself at that point.
But I think I like the idea of Emily Fitch.
I've fallen in love with the idea of falling in love.
Not so much the idea of love.
But the notion of falling in it.
And then I realize
I don't think I've ever not been in love with that notion.
I also think maybe this is just something I tell myself
in order to soothe the pain of the realization
that I have feelings for a fictional character.
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