One Hundred and Seventy Seven

I remember this one time
almost a year ago today
The worst day.

I texted you, when I knew I shouldn't have.
I wanted to see you, hear your voice, feel your arms around me.

But
when I saw you at Atwater, waiting for me,
I just stayed on.

I don't know why, in retrospect. I could've jumped off the metro, but instead I pretended like I didn't see you. I stood you up, and you didn't appreciate that. I don't know why I did it.

I don't think I wanted you to see me like that.

As much as I thought I did. I didn't.