200 - Love Letters

Dear 1, I still think
that flower was romantic.
There's only so much a third grader can offer anyone, really. I'm sorry you weren't feeling it, I would've been a really good influence on you. It's unfortunate you're still in CEGEP. Keep at it. All the best.

Dear 2, I still think
about you
when I'm happy, or feeling lost, nostalgic. I'm sorry you didn't feel comfortable telling me you weren't, but I don't personally regret much. We should try to be friends, you know, when we can get over all this. It was all I wanted. You were, are, an even better influence on me than you realize. I wish you nothing but a life of bliss, truly. Please keep me warm in your thoughts always.

Dear 3, I still think
we would've been really good together.
Nothing long term, oh goodness no, I don't think we would've ever fallen in love, but we could've been very happy. We're not good friends anymore because I got a bit disillusioned with you, but you're going to make someone very lucky one day, being the catch that you are. Keep in touch.

Dear 4, I still think
I could've treated you better.
I'm sorry, and I promise I've gotten better at casual dates, and dating, now. It wasn't you or me, you know, we just spent so much time being who we thought the other one wanted we didn't realize we just weren't well suited. Hope you're well, though.

Dear 5, I still think
you know how I felt about you.
I even kind of told you, eh? That one night, and you were really very quite lovely about it. I'll probably never really say it outright, but I'm glad if I did, you wouldn't be surprised. I know we'll always be friends, and that's definitely how we should stay. See you soon.

Dear 6, I still think
you know me better than I know myself.
And to be honest, I'm glad you've stopped drinking around me. I wish you'd be a bit happier for me, but I can understand how you might not be. It's still weird for me, sometimes, to see you with her. I hope we can stay close though, because it's possible, and we were doing so well there, for a while, remember?

Dear 7, I still think
you played me.
Maybe you honestly did like me too, but not as much as you liked my attention. I'm sorry you're so neglected, but I don't miss you much, to be honest. I hope you can stick that nose into my business sometime and realize I'm quite happy, and I was right about you. You're not.

Dear 8, I still think
you missed out on me.
It's hard to think of what could've come of us, since I think we're really good now, but if you wanted, I think I could've made you happy. Maybe not. I'm not sorry I tried, and tested the waters, but you really weren't interested, eh? I hope you go for the real thing, you know, if and when the time comes. Take care.

Dear 9, I still think
you're not as straight as you've convinced yourself you are.
And this is not to say I think you're a liar, or I know you better than you do, but something isn't right, and I know you must feel that, too. I remember the makeup, shaking hands, fluttering eyelids and careful words in romantic texts. Please please please don't lie to yourself. Be happy. It wasn't me, but it isn't going to be a boy, either.

Dear 10, I still think
I probably would've kissed you back had you ever tried.
But that wouldn't have been right, would it? We're good as friends, you know? I do have some feelings for you, but trust that you're not the one for me, friend. You're destined for a very different person, maybe a guy. I don't think I'd like him very much, but you will. Stay sane and keep me posted.

Dear 11, I still think
we handled that car wreck of a date phenomenally well.
I wasn't feeling it because I was so head over heels for someone else, obviously, but when you have so little to no levels of chemistry like that, should we even be friends? I think you're amazing, though, you know? You really are. Don't ever think I don't. You're amazing, but maybe next time a wave will do.

Dear 12, I still think
what I told you that night
and maybe I always will. I'd like to. And I think that counts for everything. I don't know if I feel that, but I know that I want it to be, and I think that's healthier. And when I'm with you, I feel old, and young, and terrified, and safe, and lost, but found, and home. You still, everytime, smell like patience, and time.