One Hundred and Eighty Nine

I remember this one night

amongst friends.

Your hand on my knee, grazing and tracing

tracing and grazing

and I felt

anchored.

a moment

For some reason I'd slipped out of your reach and spoke to her, in a hushed tone, as she ate gingerly at her french fries. "Relationships," she said with a smack, "They should be..." she paused, "Easy. and reciprocal." And she continued eating, so sadly, so incredibly sadly, and it's been a while since I've seen anyone reach for ketchup so unhappily, so disappointed in long distance, so downtrodden on love and ready to give up.
And for a moment I tapped into her, I tapped into everything she was feeling, I tapped straight into the loneliness and lost feeling of being alone and not being okay with that, and not wanting to be, and trying to reach for a specific hand that wasn't reaching towards you at all and I remembered what it was like. I remembered what I was like. I remembered.

my.

How far I have come.