when you were in my life
God, the things I did, the rules I broke, the things I told you, the things you told me, the way you touched me, looked at me, treated me.
Why did I lose my mind? Where did my morals go? Why did I want you so badly? And each night you cried, I prayed with every shake of my phone that it'd be you, finally wanting me for good. No more dilly-dallying. But that night never came, and yet I waited. Waited because you led me to believe it would, and soon. I waited around for you. Why did I do that?
You teased me. Over the littlest things. The bigger.
You guilted me and tempted me. Why did I let that happen? Was I truly so lonely? Was I really so desperate? So tired of waiting? So tired of looking.
How could I not see it wasn't you, for me?
Why didn't you ever deny it?
I'm so angry with you. It's so hard not to be. It's hard to be. It's been over a year and I want things to feel better, inside, I want to not hate this, hate you, but I'm still just so angry with you. If you wanted me to be the one, you should've just done it, you coward. You're terrified. You're weak.and manipulative.
And I'm so glad I don't want you anymore
ever again.
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