236 - After Hours

This isn't it 
you know?
Yes. I know. Please stop reminding me.

None of this is real.

Some of it is.

But you aren't.

No. I'm not.

235 - Separate Rooms

You know one day,
it'll all stop hurting.

One day, some day,
this will all stop hurting.

You won't do this, anymore.
You'll see me.
You'll understand.

One day, you'll stop hurting me with your silence.

Someday.
Soon.

234 - Catching Tidal Waves

What I should have told you:

"You and me, we could've been happy.
We could have been simply,
easily,
extremely happy
for a few months.

But
There is no picket fence around us.
There never was.

And. You know. In a world where she doesn't exist,
in a world where I haven't found her,
I'd still be looking for her.

I'd still, always,
be waiting for her.
I have waited a long time for her.

I thought she was you.
That was my mistake."

233 - Firsts

Can I just say something before I lose my mind completely?
I've never stopped thinking about you. And I always wonder and wish
God
if you had just.. gotten to know me
if I had just not communicated with you solely through letters
(intense letters, sometimes not even given to you by me.)
if I had just spoken with you in a real - in a real way
eyes meeting eyes
smiles meeting smiles
if it could've been real
I could've known
and I could've just gotten over you, then.

But it feels like something's still unwritten,
and something's always going to be hanging there, in the air, for us, for me.
I know we're not right together,
I know we don't work. I know that.
But sometimes I don't know. You know?

I'm not suggesting we be friends.
I think that'd be weird, and uncomfortable,
and I don't want it,
and I wouldn't even know how to explain it.
But I just wish there was something that could just settle my mind, finally,
to know that this - us - I just want us to be over.
I know we are. I just want to feel it more often.

232 - Orange

also; I can't stop thinking about her.

231 - Fast and Loose

I wonder if you talk to your therapist about me.

If you talked to her that night about me, when I walked you there.
If you walked in, smiling, happier than you thought you could ever be.
If you thought, for some foolish reason, that something special was just beginning.

I miss us before you ruined it, to be honest.
You're silly.
I wish you could've just
not
done that.

230 - I Don't Belong Here

I found myself singing 'Creep' today.
I don't know why.
Radiohead's not even on my iTunes.



thought of you.


It made me smile.
I haven't thought of you in a while.
Silly, isn't it.
Are you home? or just Montreal?

I haven't thought of you in a while.
I don't know if I like that.
Sometimes I wonder if I'm denying who I am.
Maybe you
is it
could
is it a crazy idea to think maybe there's something in the core of you
us
in me
that is good
good

that I'm growing away from?

229 - Road Blocks

I must remember that this isn't the end-all.
That you don't rule the world of theatre.
That this isn't the last place on Earth.

Yes
I must remember that this isn't the best place on Earth.

only my first.

228 - Conundrum

If I could, I'd
be an otter
and live and play all day in your bathtub
you'd feed me by holding some food on the surface of the water
and I'd swim into your hands
and
I'd jump up onto the edge of the tub to kiss you
with my whiskers.

If I could, I think I'd be a lot of things
but always in love with you.

227 - Facing

In so many ways, this is it, isn't it.
This is where it's all been leading to.
This is what it's all - always - been about.


hiding.